It Must Be Earned

My twelve year old son has been dying to snowboard.  We’re not big skiers - we head north usually only on a couple of occasions over the course of a winter.  We get perhaps four or six days in a season, not really enough to get particularly good, unfortunately.  But our kids love it and they show sufficient skill to ski most of any mountain.  It has always been about skiing however, not snowboarding.  Our feeling as parents has been that we want our kids to know how to ski first, mastering the greater challenge in case there is ever the “need” to return to that skill.  Snowboarding would have to wait until they each turned thirteen.

When the time came, our oldest daughter didn’t show much interest.  She waited and let her younger brother take to the board first (which he did on a week long ski trip with his camp) before she gave it a try.  After one day, she decided it wasn’t for her - too much pain and frustration when she loved skiing.  So my second son has been waiting for about six eager years for his turn to enter the world of the snowboard.  (Yes, mounting pressure caused us to bend to his will at twelve!)

Andy is a “sport”.  He loves lacrosse, soccer, and yes, skateboarding, so snowboarding is a natural instinct for him, particularly given the effect of exposure to so many snowboarders on the mountains these days, and all the cool “tricks” they can do on the slopes and in the terrain parks (half-pipes, jumps and rails).  We figured we’d rather have him in that world as an active participant, instead of trying to experience it vicariously through video games.  In any case, this was the first of my kids that I would be actively trying to help learn, and what an experience it was!

As a surfing old-timer, I learned how to snowboard a number of years ago in preparation for the coming wave. (I’ve since gone back to skiing as my personal preference)  So I knew a thing or two about what it would take.  There are several body parts that suffer in the early days of learning, but we had him wear wrist guards to protect against the most common and severe injury.  The rest he would have to suffer through.  And suffer he did.  I’m not sure what was really going on in his mind, but I think that, because he skateboards, he thought he’d just take a few minutes or so and be flying down the mountain, doing all the tricks he’d been dreaming about.  When you’re battling a holiday weekend crowd, less than ideal conditions, and a slightly misguided twelve-year-old idea of reality, things can get pretty dicey.  First we covered the basics on the bunny slope to make sure he could manage getting around on the flats and exiting the chair lifts.  then we moved up on the hill so he could learn to use an edge to slip-slide down the hill.  Once he conquered control of one edge (heel first), he’d work on the other.  He did remarkably well on that first edge.  After the first day, he was cruising down the mountain with a fair amount of control, proud of his accomplishment, excited to learn the toe edge the next day, and sensing he’d be a full-blown snowboarder attacking the turns in a few more hours.

Not to be.  Day two was a long, frustrating, exhausting day.  The conditions had further deteriorated, but the crowds had not.  Whatever came to him easily on the first day, was not present on day two.  What he expected to happen didn’t.  While he maintained his skill on the heel edge, he just couldn’t master making the transition to the other edge.  Each time he tried, he hit the icy cover hard.  Over and over.  He’d wrestle himself up, go for a few seconds, and hit the ground again. Up and down, again and again.  Every once in a while he’d begin to make the transition, but it was usually short lived and he would try to rush back to his comfort zone on the heel edge, but rushing usually isn’t a good idea on a snowboard.  Down he’d go.  By afternoon, despite our cheers of really remarkable success, he was getting to the end of his tolerance, and one particular fall caused tears to begin to flow.  But with his father and sister standing over him, his character showed.  With his goal of learning obviously clear in his mind, he picked himself back up, and shoved off down the mountain.

that was the turning point.  He realized it wouldn’t be as easy as he expected.  It would be a painful learning process.  He knew he was close and had made amazing progress since the day before on the bunny hill.  He continued to rise and fall, suffered additional bruising that would make the bus ride to school painful in a couple of days, but showed no more tears.  He just decided to deal with it.  And it was beginning to bear fruit.  By the end of an exhausting day, he had on several occasions successfully made the transitional turns and was beginning to “get it”.  It gave him hope for the last day to learn the rest.

Day three was a miracle.  Five inches of fresh powder had fallen and the crowds had completely evaporated.  The mountain was all ours and Andy was ready to go again.  He continued to push his comfort zone and deal with the consequences.  By the end of the day, he was turning equally on both sides and the grin on his face told the tale of accomplishment.  When none of us could muster the strength for more near the end of the day, we finally called it quits.  I could see that in a relatively short period of time, Andy had experienced excitement, despair and pride.  That holiday weekend was a microcosm of life, and I made sure Andy understood that.  We talked about what he went through; the highs and the lows, and the fact that all things worthwhile are worth fighting for.  That discomfort and hard work usually (but don’t always!) pay off.  That nobody could have given him the ability to snowboard.  If he wants something, he’ll have to EARN it.  And he did.  He displayed a level of GRIT (see my previous post on Grit, Dec. 29th) that was admirable.  He now knows that he’ll have future challenges that may take him years to overcome, but even greater results will be possible if he can display that same grit over greatly extended periods of time.  I’m confident he’ll be prepared, all because of a nice weekend ski trip.

Do you have an example of Grit in your life?

Dan Scheerer, SmartGeorge

They ALMOST got me! (EJ Kritz)

A couple nights ago I got an interesting phone call from Capital One, a provider for one of my credit cards.  I’ve had this card for over 10 years and this was one of the first times I’ve ever gotten a call from them so right away I figured somebody must have stolen my credit card number and was using it.  Amazingly, I was greeted on the other end of the phone by a very nice well-spoken woman who immediately asked how I was.  She explained that the purpose of the call was to educate me on some changes that will go into effect soon as part of the new credit card legislation.

The kind woman explained that under the new law, should I try to make a purchase that would put me over my credit limit (something I’d never do anyway) my card would be declined.  Today should I make the same purchase, the charges would actually be accepted allowing Capital One to charge me a $39 over-the-limit fee.  The customer service employee explained that Capital One would like to “help” me keep this “feature” as part of my account and in the future would only charge me a $29 fee should I go over my credit limit.

My suspicion caught wind of her little scheme.  Never has a credit card company been so generous as to simply reduce a fee they might be able to collect.  Clearly, this credit card company is trying desperately to allow their customers to act carelessly with their credit by allowing them to go over their limit.  Without the new legislation, which takes effect in February, credit card companies could continue to collect large fees from their customers without teaching them the valuable lesson of responsible use of credit.  It is apparent that a $39 or even $29 fee is not a deterrent!  Despite my protests and my pointing out that Capital One was simply trying to maintain a revenue stream, the relentless representative began to give specific examples including an emergency auto or home repair, as reasons why I might want to go over my limit.  Under the new legislation, over-the-limit fees are basically to be eliminated and yet this company, preying on the weak and uninformed, are trying to continue collecting.  Don’t be fooled and think Smart!

EJ Kritz, SmartGeorge

Turning 18

Haiti just lost 100,000 people to a catastrophic earthquake.  Stunning news, and so terrible, particularly given the challenges they face helping themselves.  They can’t recover without tremendous international financial and logistical support. Haiti is already one of the poorest nations of the western hemisphere and has suffered political strife and natural disasters we Americans can hardly fathom.  It serves as yet another example of how fortunate we are, as individuals, to be living in the US.

Haiti is not unusual around the world.  Millions live on island nations that suffer similar calamities.  Then there are all those who suffer poverty and war in African nations, as well as those unfortunate to live under communist regimes and dictators, and not to mention the challenges of living in the desert regions of the Middle East under religious madmen and factional governments!  Add it all up and we would appear to be greatly outnumbered!  Though perhaps not technically true, the odds of being born to the US and the “western” world seem slight.  Disasters like Haiti just suffered bring that to light for me.  I appreciate every day the blessings we have.  Yes, certainly we have problems.  Poverty, drug abuse, remaining  racism (though generally greatly reduced from years ago), weak educational systems where excellence is perhaps most needed, and crime, often so horrible we wonder how humans can devise such heinous acts.  And yet America remains the Land of the Free, a place where millions seek escape from the strife around the world to have a chance to live a meaningful existence, if not just a safe one.

But we (Americans) generally take it for granted.  Somehow we “deserve” it.  Big, flat-panel TVs with rich (some might say wasteful!) programming, Starbucks always within arm’s reach, and a Wal-mart in every community.  Facebook rules the day.  We just presume that’s what life is.  But it's not.  We have the best of the best, and available to just about everyone.  I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy.  Yes, it would be ideal if everyone had EQUAL access to the fruits of our society, but at least here, everyone has OPPORTUNITY to access the fruits generated by a great nation.  When our kids are surrounded by this stuff every day, and are bombarded with marketing messages by the thousands, its hard for them to put our state of riches in perspective.  Most don’t realize what a gift we have been given by our forefathers, maintained by our heroes of today, who have literally given their lives, limbs and blood to provide and protect all that we have.

All this is a roundabout way to say that we are LUCKY!  We are the beneficiaries of others’ hard work and sacrifice.  Don’t take our place in the world for granted.  Celebrate our ability to earn, produce, provide, and learn! 

There is a trigger point for our kids to begin that celebration.  It comes on their 18th birthday.  Two major “rights” become available on that day - the right to vote and the ability to open an IRA.  Both are significant in their own way.  I don’t yet know whether my oldest daughter will share my political views, but that’s not important.  I vote in every election I can, local, state and national, because I not only believe that is our duty, but I feel empowered.  I love to celebrate my ability to have a say in what happens in our country, no matter how small a role I play.  I want my daughter (all my kids) to recognize how lucky we ALL are.  We can control our destiny by participating in our political system and by taking the appropriate steps to ensure our financial security.  Both are critical in order to pass our blessings on to our children and grandchildren.

So at the first opportunity, coming up in just a matter of weeks, I will take my daughter to our town hall to register to vote, and to a bank to open an IRA, with the hope that she will understand the good fortune that has been given to her by so many, and the power she has to control her own destiny and positively impact those around her.  God bless America!

The Brighter Side of Jealosy, or, "I can do that!"

Jealousy is a truly ugly trait.  Natural instinct? Perhaps, but it should be controlled at all cost.  It is unattractive and extremely unproductive.  Unless of course you can USE it.  Think about it.  Jealousy basically means you admire something about someone else, but unfortunately the end result is usually a feeling of ill-will toward that person.  But if you can identify jealousy when it creeps in to your brain, try to take a step back and figure out why you’re feeling that way.  Usually we are jealous about successes other people have, or “positive” physical attributes we lack showcased by those people.  When this happens, ask yourself three questions:

1.  Do I really admire that person for that trait?

2.  Would I REALLY like to have that trait?

3.  Is there a way for me to attain that trait?

If the answer to all three is yes, then perhaps you can do something about it.  If it is a particular talent they have, investigate.  Find out how they came to have that talent and determine if you might achieve those results if you made similar efforts.  If you still like the prospects, make it a goal and set up a plan to get yourself there.  This is essentially what “modeling” is.  Ever heard of a role-model?!   It’s a positive thing to find someone who does something well and to try to incorporate their practices in your life.  If you don't want to make that trait yours, fine.  But drop the jealousy - it won't do you any good.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so don’t be jealous - learn and grow.  Perhaps someone will be jealous of you someday! (but I’d advise that not be your goal!)

What will you do?

Don't Make a Resolution, Make a PLAN!

Yup, I’ve been there before in past years.  New Year’s comes, and one of the annual questions is “what is your New Year’s resolution?”  Arghh!  It almost makes me yearn for Y2K again!  Almost.  I understand the sentiment that a new year is about rebirth, a chance to start over, but please - resolutions!?  If we were smart, resolutions would be a fad whose time has come and gone.  Why?  Because, generally speaking, they don’t work.  According to one study, only 75% of resolutions are maintained past the first week, and by the time six months pass, only 46% remain in place.  Another study showed that after one year, only 12% of “resolutioners” felt they were still on track.  The three top reasons were found to be procrastination, lack of discipline and no game plan.  Very few people are successful in their resolve to lose weight, exercise more or watch less TV (I speak from experience on at least two of these).  You see, it’s just not that simple.  How many people keep promises to other people, not to mention themselves?  It’s hard!  Sorry, but I love oreo’s, and if they’re in the house, I’m eating them, and no “resolution” is going to stop me.

When it comes to life plans and the pursuit of success, what you really need is a Plan.  The difference is, a resolution is (usually) spontaneous, a plan is birthed.  A resolution is fleeting, a plan is durable.  A resolution is invisible, a plan is concrete.  A resolution is vague, a plan is detailed.  A resolution is cheap, a plan is commitment.  Resolution time comes once a year, a plan can come when you are ready (which is why I'm posting this AFTER New Year's!)  When you really want to accomplish something, with which do you think you’d be better off, a resolution, or a plan?  Proper planning requires serious motivation, forethought, a pencil and paper (at least in the old days) and an organized system to track progress, at least weekly.  Is this more difficult?  Yes.  Is it more effective?  Absolutely, when done with commitment.  I believe lack of self-discipline is the real culprit for lack of follow-through with resolutions, but by turning the resolution into a real plan with detailed steps, a time frame, and accountability, it can become a plan that leads to success.  What is accountability?  Visibility to yourself and others.  Post your plan and tracking system where you will see it throughout the course of your day.  Have someone else on your “team” to track your progress with you, someone you won’t mind pushing you on it.  Make it a public effort by posting your progress on Facebook or Twitter.  When you fail by yourself, you don’t mind as much.  When you fail publicly, it hurts more.  Pride is a strong motivator, and that’s what this is really all about - motivation.  If you aren’t motivated, success is doomed.  A Plan addresses motivation, a resolution dances around it.  Find out what REALLY motivates you, and use it.  Then make a plan.